When your teenager gets attacked…how do you react?

As a 31 year old mum to a 13 year old, I like to think that I can still remember my school days and the issues that arise. I like to think I’m ‘down with the kids’, although I am sure my kids would probably disagree. I was a tough teen myself, I was a problem teenager to be brutally honest and I am pretty sure there isn’t much that I haven’t stupidly done that my kids could do. But I have hindsight on my side, so I want to try and guide them to not mess up in the ways I did, but at the same time I know I have to let them make their own mistakes too. Being a parent is bloody tough.

But every day is a learning curve with teens, and I am sure that I haven’t even scratched the surface just yet.

A month ago my son knocked at the door of his Gran’s house, it’s the place where we meet every day after school. I made the massive step to let him have the independence to walk home alone from the bus stop every afternoon. I know that sounds simple, but J has ADHD and ASD, and he has no sense of danger, he is often in his own little world, a world that is usually superhero filled. If you see him walking down the sleepy village lane, you would probably think he was a little odd, as he walks on his tip-toes, and is literally acting out whatever is going on in his head, most days he is Batman and the hand gestures do make him look different.

This time however, J was not alone, there was two lads with him wearing the same uniform. J was visibly upset and the children explained to me that J had been punched in the face. They gave great details, including a name and where the child lives, and about the fact that this child was older than J. This is where I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. Someone had hurt my boy, someone had punched my first born baby in the face, his face was swelling up with a visible lump. I wanted to go find the child, I wanted to punch that kid in the face to see how he liked it, I wanted him to feel the pain J was feeling, I wanted to teach the kid a lesson. But I am a parent, a parent who is trying to teach my children right from wrong, one that is trying to show my children that violence is not the answer. So what did I do? I rang the school and the police. It took every ounce of my willpower to not take actions into my own hands.

Fast forward a month and the police and school were involved, and the child at first was saying that J had started it. I knew my son, and I knew he isn’t a violent child, but then part of me started to wonder if maybe he had been pushed to the limit and decided to thump this kid first, I hate to say it, but I doubted my child. Thankfully the police rang and told me that the child responsible had eventually admitted everything, there was no provocation. The lad responsible cried apparently.  He apparently was a bit of a cocky child prior to this incident, the school had a few minor issues with him, but apparently since this incident he has calmed down and is on his best behaviour.

I hope that the child responsible has realised you cannot go round punching people for no reason, I hope this has been a lesson learnt and nipped bad behaviour in the bud. I feel just awful for doubting my son, and although the bruises on J have gone, he is aware of what happened and mentions it frequently. I hope he never has to go through something similar again.