Growing up with Autism

People ask how I cope with J’s behaviour and my answer is always the same ‘well I have never known any different’. J was my first born child. Now the realisation of a landmark birthday

People ask how I cope with J’s behaviour and my answer is always the same ‘well I have never known any different’. J was my first born child. Now the realisation of a landmark birthday approaching has really made me think about J’s future. J will be 10 whole years later this year and it makes me think back to when I was that age and how much I was aware of my surroundings and even the conversation that your parents have which they assume you cannot hear or understand.  Now I know J isn’t quite as coherent as I might of been at his age, but it does make me wonder what he does actually know.  I know medically that J’s mental age is a lot lower, last time he was marked down as a mental age of 5.5. Now we don’t know how J will be in the future, we have no idea if he will live a normal life or if he will need support into his adulthood to help him complete day to day tasks, but I am feeling like I need to show him some life lessons.

One thing that I have always done with J is try and make him live his life as normal as possible. He knows that he is slightly different to other children but I try and keep it that everyone is different to each other, there is no two children the same! Diversity is all around us and in many different ways, race, religion, the list goes on and on. I will admit though I have protected him as much as possible from the world, but I truly don’t believe that is because of his Autism and other learning difficulties, its my role as a parent and I do the exact same with my other two children too. I am determined that I will never ever let my children be in danger due to something I have done, and although that means my children are not allowed outside to play like other children from the road, it does mean that they can play in the garden and I would much rather take them out to the park where I can supervise. The thought of any of my babies being out of sight and unsupervised gives me cold shivers. Overreacting? Yes possibly, but you know what? I really don’t care as long as my babies are safe.

At 10 years old I used to be out and about in the countryside with my friends, riding our bikes and even venturing to the shops alone. But I do have to realise that things are different for J, not only because we live in a busy town, but also because J isn’t an average ‘soon to be 10 year old’. J has ADHD too and has no fear whatsoever. When outside he has to be constantly supervised as he would step out in the road without so much as a shred of thought. But I give J freedom within the house and safe boundaries. Our garden is 100% safe for him with 6 foot tall fences and a locked gate I can give him some freedom to play out there and not be too concerned with what is happening (says the mum with cctv hooked up so I can watch, yes really I do). I think it’s really important he is given some freedom and space to grow as himself and play as he likes without worrying about mum watching over him.

So as the big 10 approaches, what about the future? Well I know J needs to learn some important life lessons. One being money and one being his personal care. Although J isn’t safe to be left unattended in the bathroom, I am trying to give him as much privacy as possible. I also think I need to start teaching him some lessons on how to look after himself. Nothing too major but he has never helped himself to a drink, let alone food. When I heard from a friend how her 7 year old can make himself toast and even microwave beans I was shocked, I have never ever considered letting any of my children do that. Although maybe the toaster and microwave are a while away yet, I have a plan to let J make himself a sandwich. It might sound small and simple, but it’s little things like this that I really think he needs to learn to do independently to help him later in life.

I have no idea how J’s life will be as he grows up, but as a parent its my job to try and prepare him for the big wide world regardless of difficulties.

6 thoughts on “Growing up with Autism

  1. I’ve just read your blog about autism and wondered if you could tell me how you first knew j had autism. My son is 16months now and is not reaching his milestones. Even tho I work with adults with disabilities I don’t know a lot about toddlers/children with disabilities, I’m starting to worry now as the hv is sending my son to a specialist to find out why he is not developing like he should be. Thank you

    1. J always reached his milestones as expected, except talking. He didn’t talk until he was 4 and even then he needed speech therapy. When he was young the ADHD was more noticeable as he just couldn’t sit still, let alone sleep! As he got older his obsessive behaviour and need for things to be in certain ways were the main things I noticed. I wish you all the best with the specialist, its great they are being very pro-active in getting things checked(i know some parents who struggle to get HV/doctors to help and notice) all children do develop differently at different times, so it could just be that is a little slower xxxx I wish you all the luck in the world xxxx

  2. He crawl, stands and walks holding on to me or furniture but won’t walk alone. He has done things a little slower due to a muscle condition in his neck when born ( tortilcolis) but he is growing out of that with exercises we do with him. He does not talk at all or point to objects of interest and is still very baby like in the way that everything in his mouth and chewing it the hv has told me he should of grown out of this by now. He shows no interest in pets or other ppl. I am hoping he is just a little slower at developing as its something we can work on with him it’s just got me very worried. He has no siblings yet to watch and learn from so I’m hoping it’s just that. Many thanks for your help.

  3. I can totally relate to this, T’s is also 10, 11 at the end of this year and we pretty much do everything for him and he too does not go out unsupervised. His school teach him many life skills like making toast, making a cup of tea, they even take them shopping. His school has its own cafe, garage, hair salon & garden centre all that he will get the opportunity to work in when he is older. He will also be able to stay in school till the age of 19 if he wants too. Good luck with J

  4. I allowed my children and grandchildren into the kitchen from young, maybe 2 or 3 they started to make a sandwich or take a biscuit out the tin or fetch an apple for themselves. Cooked with them from about 3 with them stirring, rolling etc but nothing hot.
    Bob is just6 and he can make cakes and biscuits from scratch
    By about 8 they were allowed near a cooker under constant supervision, and at 9 they could manually chop vegetables ( and the odd finger), and make a pot of soup, warm in a microwave, use a toaster, or make a cup of coffee ( were not allowed to lift the cup once poured) .
    By 12 they could all make and serve a full roast dinner unaided. Even the epileptic one was allowed to do it all, I just hovered much much closer with her.
    You know your own kids best, and what you are happy for them to do, I would say dont worry about what your pals kids do – they are not yours

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