>This is a sight that haunts me all day long. My baby sat by himself feeling sad. For the non regular readers let me explain that J is 9 years old and has autism, ADHD
>This is a sight that haunts me all day long. My baby sat by himself feeling sad.
For the non regular readers let me explain that J is 9 years old and has autism, ADHD and hypermobility. He attends a mainstream primary school. J finds making friends hard, and maintaining those friendships are even harder for him. Now at home I can protect him it, but I know that I cannot do that for life, he has to learn to interact with others, and one of the things I have been fighting for is more statmented hours to allow the school to provide some help at lunchtimes. In J’s last year of infant school(he is now year 4 in Junior school) he came home to me saying how he didn’t want to go out at lunchtime as there was no one who would play with him. I won’t lie, I broke down in tears when I went to speak to the deputy head about what J has said, all I could see in my head is picture of my little boy all alone while the other children play around him oblivious of him. I was reassure that he is never alone, but I swear they said it to pacify the blubbering mother balling her eyes out in front of them.
I don’t blame the other children, they have their own lives and own friends, and I don’t want them to take pity on J and feel like they have to play with him. But at the same time I don’t want him being a target for bullying if they see him alone. Jordan plays on his terms, a game he wants to play, if you want to join in with that game then great! But Jordan cannot understand why someone else might want to change the game or not play the way he wants to.
At J’s annual review with the school, the council, specialist teacher, class teacher, SENCO, and his support worker, I put my concerns across and the school agreed that he doesn’t like being outside, if the option is there he will stay inside with the computer for company. So the school have applied for more hours so they can provide some help at lunch times, the council were the ones who recommended they done this so I am hoping this is a good sign for them being awarded the extra hours. What they do with those extra hours and how they implement it, I have no idea. I don’t want J to be the only child in the school to have a learning support worker with him outside in the playground for company. I hope they work on creating some fun games for Jordan and the other children to all join in together. In fact it amazes me that that doesn’t happen already, the children are let out at lunchtime and left to get on with it. They have to create their own games and amuse themselves, so it’s of no surprise to me that some of them might get up to no good, as in my experience children misbehave when bored.
The picture above was taken this morning. There is an area where the children wait for the bell to go before they are allowed into the classrooms. J decided he didn’t want to go to school today as he wants to stay at home and play LEGO. Despite my reassurances that it will still be there when he gets home later, it didn’t make much difference. Once he is in a certain frame of mind, there is no changing it, all he can think about is LEGO. So I snapped this picture of him sat there this morning, as it broke my heart. I would love to know what is going through his head. Despite some discreet hugs (trying not to make him a target!) and me trying to cheer him up, this is the mental image that I will see all day in my head.
Some days I am so tempted to keep him at home and home educate him, protecting him from the big bad world, but I know that he needs more help than I can give him, both educationally and socially. So I will carry on fighting to get him every bit of help that I possibly can.
>i know exactly how u feel. my son is in yr3.we have actually gained the funding n now logan has someone with him at all times. he also dislikes playtime :-\ it can be a daily battle to get him to school. my daughter is 3 and also autistic but doesnt talk so im fearful of school for her already. there still days were i sit n think god i wish they werent autistic. but then think if they werent they would be who they are.
a. adorable
u. unique
t. truthful
I. individual
s. serious
m. marvellous
>Words can't express how powerful this photo actually is! There is NOT enough support for the children who need it and it really is heartbreaking to see J sitting on his own looking sad. Hugs to you hun. You're a wonderful mum and I know you'll keep fighting for him and his needs. Thank you for sharing this hun – it can't have been easy! xxx
>Posting this has actually made it easier for me, it's given me somewhee to vent, instead of it rolling around in my head all day worrying. I would love to think that it helps people realise what autism is an how it affects every day life 🙂 Thank you for taking the time to comment xxx
>A very powerful image. My heart goes to you. But, but, but, without diminishing your issue, you are lucky that you son is verbal and goes to the mainstream school. My older son has autism, is non verbal and would never be able to cope in a mainstream school. Everything is relative and comparative. When I am having a very difficult time with the challenging behaviour of my son, I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that there are worse cases then ours, that we love our son, he is not bullied at school etc etc. Yes, he does not have friends, but he does not feel the need. And I try to live one day at a time, as if I start thinking about the future, will just collapse. Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.
>Thank you for sharing this. Both a heartbreaking post but also an inspiring one showing how dedicated and caring families are and should be. We all want the best for our children and it's so hard to place your trust in those around you. I was a a TA before having my 2 and trained as a teacher so know all too well about the struggles faced and the frustration of lack of support sometimes available. Wish u and u yr family all the best and a great Christmas x keep smiling knowing you are a fab mum with wonderful children!
>Thank you for taking the time to read and comment, please don't for a second think I am not thankful for what we do have and the abilities that J does have, I really am.,I know we are very lucky to be blessed with him and what he can do. I don't post that often about the issues facing us and J, as I don't want people to think I am posting for sympathy or attention. But I do hope that my posts help people become more aware of autism and how it does affect people. I would of normally sat at home all day worrying and crying, but putting it all down on here has actually helped me come to terms with it, if that makes any sense. Sending lots of hugs and postitive thoughts back to you, thank you xx
>I go thro a similar egony everyday and my heart goes out to you. my son is in yr 3 he attends main stream and we applied for extra funding so there is someone with him all the tima as he struggled to cope at playtime. He has no idea how to ask if he can play so just barges into the middle of the game and ruins it for others and they get angry! his lsa syats with him at break and lunch, not right next to him but so she can always see him. she seeks out small group of children for him to socialise with. ITs a constant battle tog et him to attend school and there has been many a time when i have had to pull him off me and hand him to his keyworker shoutin and screaming. i also have a 3 yr old lil girl who has autism but she is the different end of the scale to my son and is non verbal. im already agonising over schooling for her as i know its goin to be much more difficult due to her lack of communcistion skills. I love all my 4 the same and there is days when i wish they didnt have autism,but then if they didnt they wouldnt be the wonderful,loving,truthful children there is. xx
>I spent a few years teaching in a Special School as all through my uni training, I was always 'drawn' towards the children with SEN. The children I taught were all Autistic, although all at varying stages of the spectrum, but they were some of the most special children I have ever had the honour of teaching. I took so much away with me every day – things I will remember forever. It is sad that there is so much fear surrounding autism due to the lack of understanding, and posts like this can really help to raise awareness. It is a condition that can cause a great deal of heartache, but as you well know and have pointed out, is also a condition that provokes unmeasurable pride and joy and I know that J will go through life making you a very proud mum every day xxx
>I did not think your post was attention-seeking, and it is important to make more people aware of the condition. And I agree sometimes writing about something is a kind of catharsis, it helps. Good luck to you and your precious boy.
>The image alone speaks, I hope he gets the support and they use it wisely. My son age 10 attends a special needs school, and it was the best decision I ever made he never once has said I don't want to go school. He is around people like him he is instantly accepted. I would give anything to spend a day in my son's head and see the world through his eyes, to know what he is thinking when he is lost in his own world.
Merry Christmas x